FAMILY: 7 Weeks!
I’m not sure how many people read this blog, so I hope that nobody that we haven’t told personally reads this. If so, I’m really sorry and I hope to let you know about it all in person anyway!
I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for today about two weeks ago just to get a general physical and pap done. I hadn’t started at all this month and was going to ask the doctor about it. I had taken, count them, FOUR pregnancy tests and ALL of them turned up negative. So I was sure that I was just missing this month because of stress. I’ve got a lot going on.
So I go in to see the doctor. I get my pap done. She tells me that we should do a pregnancy test again just in case. I didn’t think it would be any different but thought it a good idea anyway.
While the pap wasn’t very comfortable to do, it was completely erased from my mind when she came back in and said that this test was positive! According to the first day of my last period, I’m about 7 weeks pregnant right now.
MARRIAGE: Too Much Pride.
This has been my schedule for the last two weeks: work every day except Thursday and Sunday from 8 to 5, rush home to see Ky off to work, and last week, die because of my cold. I’m finally getting over it and am starting to have energy, but we’ve both had to work so much that we’re fighting when we’re together. It’s like we have to not only re-learn how to be around each other, but we also have to work hard after a long day of working. It’s difficult coming home after a long day of trying hard to be happy and cheerful and then come home and be happy and cheerful still. You know? I mean, I don’t usually have to try hard to be that way, but lately it’s been much more difficult.
Okay, but here’s kind of my beef right now. Ky is the kind of person who is very, for lack of a better word, clingy. I am very much the opposite. I don’t cling to anybody. I grew up very independent, pretty much always on my own, having to fend for myself. So, it’s really, really hard for me to want to be with him when he’s being so clingy. I can get past it…most of the time. Every once in a while, though, something will happen that drives me mad. Like he’ll want to stunt his sleep and only get five hours just so he can wake up and be with me. Sweet, right? Well, too bad he’s half asleep and dragging his feet wherever we go because he’s so tired. I keep telling him that I would rather spend one good hour with him than four lousy hours with him. But he’s so attached to me that he is the opposite, I think.
I don’t know. Anyway, the reason for the title of the post is because I have realized lately that I’m trying to kind of mold him to be the kind of man I want him to be instead of the man he wants to be. I’ve been trying to push him into a sport or an activity of some kind. Granted, he keeps saying that he wants to do something, but I think I’m pushing him too hard. It seems like I’m always bugging him about it. I’m always asking him what he wants to do. I’m always asking him what he wants to do with me. I want so badly to get into something with him that we both like to do that we can do together, like a sport or something. He likes bike riding, and so do I. And we’ve been twice. Once in the Springs and once here.
I think the thing that really gets to me is that he doesn’t seem to be a super motivated person. He says he wants to do certain things, but they never get done. And I’ll admit, I’m the same way for the most part. But before I got sick and now that I’m getting better finally, I’m much better about that kind of stuff. I’ll still procrastinate, especially if it’s a really arduous task, I find that I generally don’t do it. But the littler stuff I do. It’s really frustrating to see the one you love go to work, come home, play computer, and go to bed. I want him to be more active, and not just at work because he has to be.
Am I crazy? HELP!
MARRIAGE: Missing Ky
Sometimes I really love having my alone time. Sometimes I just love to chill out by myself and work on my puzzle or play the Sims or something like that. I usually love my alone time. But lately especially, I find myself feeling less and less like having alone time. I know I will always need it and want it, but I find that I need it a lot less.
And I really miss sleeping at the same time as him. Even though he works four days and has four days off, even though it’s even, he’s usually used to staying up all night and sleeping during the day. So often times he’ll stay awake until he would normally go to bed when he works. So even though he’s home (and I can totally understand that he wants to keep the same basic schedule), he’s awake and I’m asleep. It’s especially hard because he does try to sleep next to me usually once or twice before he works, but since I’m used to sleeping alone, I don’t always get the most restful sleep. But I’d much rather lose a little sleep than miss sleeping next to him.
I’m not really complaining. It could be a whole lot worse. It can just be hard sometimes. Anybody know what I’m talking about?
MARRIAGE: Love and Post-It Notes
I am really excited for Ky to get home from work. It’s his birthday. It’s pretty early in the morning now, but I got it done. It took me forever! I didn’t really get him much this year, but I did do something for him that I think he’ll appreciate. One thing I did was I bought all the number one country songs that were hits on his birthday and put them on two CDs. Then I wrote adjectives that describe him on about 400 post-its and stuck them to the wall. I will post a picture if I can.
But I put them on the wall right next to the bed on his side so that when he’s sleeping or is having trouble sleeping or just needs a positive thought, he can look over and read some of the things I love about him. But instead of just putting them on the wall, I took some off so that the word “LOVE” is spelled out with missing post-its. I think it was cool. What do you guys think?
MARRIAGE: One Year!!
Hooray! I am so happy! Not that it was a big surprise, but Ky and I made it through our first year together! And oddly enough, we’re both still alive! I’m so happy to be with him. I don’t like that he has to work tonight, but he has tomorrow off until the 1st of June, so I’m happy about that. He’s sleeping right now, but I think we might go to dinner together before he goes to work. I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.
And we’ve learned a lot from each other, but I don’t think that the first year is going to be much different than any of our other years together, except for maybe a little bit of the newness will wear off and, hopefully, kids will be added to the picture eventually. But other than that, our relationship has really been very much the same since the very beginning. I’m really proud and thankful for that.
